


The Brady Bunch Come Undone

by Theadosia57



Series: 'Were Gone!' Series [3]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 02:48:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7740481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theadosia57/pseuds/Theadosia57
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jasper is sick to death of the life he's been leading with the Cullens lately. So as they make their escape from Forks he plans a few changes.<br/>Jasper's P.O.V This is a sequel to my One-shot 'And Then We Were Gone'<br/>(Were Gone Series Pt 3)  Twilight Saga AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Brady Bunch Come Undone

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: this follows on from my story 'And Then We Were Gone' a mini sequel sort of thing.

I was just idly swingin' back and forth on the seat that sat on the back deck of the big white mansion and strummin' on my guitar softly, some new tune and lyrics are vyin' for attention in my mind with an image of a feisty brown eyed girl. The scene that was unfolding behind me was so beyond fuckin' ludicrous. Vampires were runnin' at blur speed, to and from the extremely large movin' van that sat on the driveway just below me. Panic is etched on every one of their faces and me personally, just didn't give a damn about any of it. 

"Jazz, man, where the hell is your stuff?" Emmett shouted at me as he ran past for the hundredth time, "All packed" I replied in a soft and calm voice, never understood his need to shout, we were vampires and had perfect hearin'. "Why's it not in the van then?" asked Rose as she too passed me, "Cause it's not goin' to Alaska, it's goin' to Texas," I said still in the low soft tone from before. Everyone stopped dead in their tracks, turnin' to face me and that old human sayin' 'You could have heard a pin drop' popped into my head.

"You're not coming to Alaska with us?" whispered Esme, "No ma'am, I'm not. Just waitin' on my haulage truck comin' and Carlisle gettin' back from the hospital for one last family meetin' and then I'm headin' out" I told her calmly and quietly.

"How did I not know this? See this?" Alice demanded of me, hands on hips as if this would or could intimidate me. "Don't know Ali, don't care Ali! Maybe you shoulda been lookin' at my future, instead of Eddie's fuckin' dick!" was my low sarcastic answer. I heard his hiss from above in the bedroom he had on the third floor. "What the Fuck?" yelled Emmett, jolting himself upright so hard that he banged his head inside the juggernaut. I laughed and told them "Ask my wife, no make that my ex-wife, bet you didn't see that one comin' either Alice? papers are arrivin' with the truck Oh and Alice, you will sign them".

Carlisle arrived just then, obviously, Esme must have called him home sooner. And then everyone started talkin' at once and I just went on strummin' my guitar, a tune was slowly formin'. He raised his hand for silence, as he was tryin' to collate everyone's information quickly and said: "Family meeting now, I think, Jasper will you join us?" "Yup," I replied and followed them all inside swingin' my guitar. 

Edward and Alice were starin' at me worriedly, tryin' to work out why he had never heard anythin' in my mind and why she hadn't seen any of my recent decisions. They were so far up themselves that they didn't know everybody could work around their piece of shit gifts without much trouble at all. They thought themselves infallible, but they had no real idea what went on behind their backs, all the time. 

Carlisle cleared his throat unnecessarily, he was as nervous as the other two, he had as much to lose as them for all the lies he'd been tellin' for decades. "Jasper? The family tells me you are leaving us and divorcing Alice" he enquires, "Yup, I am Carlisle, I've been puttin' up with this shit for far far too long. Alice and I are not now, nor have we ever been mates. She lied to me back in the beginnin', you guys too when we got here, goddamn she was even lyin' to herself about that load of old horse shit. I've known the truth for over twenty years now" I informed him. 

"Basically, I couldn't care less what you all do or where the fuck you go, except for Esme, Rose, and Emmett," I say in a low, quiet voice. "But when she started the crap with Eddie-boy that was a step too far," I say. "What crap with Edward? what are you talking about?" he demands, the hurt evident in his tone. "You're bein' a little self-righteous there Carlisle? Seein' as you're doing the same thing too!" I comment. "What the hell is going on?" Rose shouts out loud enough to stop traffic. 

" In a nutshell, Alice has been givin' Eddie the asshole blowjobs and he's refusin' to man up and reciprocate, cause he's gay and Carlisle is jealous cause Eddie's his mate and spurned his advances when he was turned in 1918. To fuckin' straight-laced to admit what he was". Stunned silence and Alice sobbin' is all I can hear. "To hurt him back, he married Esme, when Edward went off on his little I'll be the judge and jury jaunt. Carlisle's bisexual so Esme was happy enough but they are not mates. But you knew that didn't you Esme?" I enquire as I feel her emotions tellin' me this was nothin' new to her.

"Yes, It was enough in the beginning, I had had a rough time with my human husband before I died and Carlisle was kind, loving and gentle and I loved him for that and for giving me a new, better life, but his shouting Edward's name as he cums, is starting to wear a little thin, even starting to get on my nerves" she tell us. "I'm so sorry Esme sweetheart" Carlisle claims sadly, "I know you are Carlisle, I also know you have deep feelings for me but you love Edward and you always have. I can't and won't compete with that anymore. We should have just stayed brother and sister as planned before Edward ran away" she told him sadly realising this could well be the end of her family.

Emmett was sittin' so still, with his mouth hangin' open and his eyes dartin' back and forward not knowin' who to look at next, "Shit! it's like the best ever episode of Jerry Springer, fuck me this family is crazier than I thought" he blurts out suddenly and Rose, Esme and I burst out laughin' at his expression of glee.

I continue tellin' Carlisle "So I'm divorcin' Alice cause that stuff she's doin' with him is just degradin' to her, he's just usin' her as an outlet for his feelin's toward you" I explain then give a phony shudder and put a nauseous look on my face; Emmett is rollin' on the floor now, he can't believe this was all goin' on under his nose and he never knew. "I put up with all the other men cause it saved me havin' to fake wantin' her anymore, but Eddie! come on!" 

I turned to Alice sayin' " It's not as if you didn't know he was gay? " Her face scrunched up and she feels embarrassed and stupid. "Oh dear lord! you didn't know did you, how in god's name did you not see that Alice?". I patted her on the shoulder but had little or no sympathy for her really. "So I have a place near Peter's and I'm headin' down there soon. Any of you three who want to join me are more than welcome. It's a big spread so we won't fall over each other and it could sure use some Esme magic" I offer them. 

"Since when do we have a place in Texas?" Alice storms at me, "Since before I met you Alice, and I said it was my place, not ours! You got that" I inform her emphatically and she nods. Edward and Carlisle were just staring at each other, all the time I was talkin' and I presume Carlisle is tryin' to talk some sense into Edward after all this time. They should have done it years ago if Eddie had just accepted his sexuality, rather than trying to hide it and from it. Their emotions are so powerful it's hard for me not to project it, "Why don't you two just kiss and make up" I say "You know you really do want to Edward, I can feel it for god's sake".

That's all it took to have them in each other's arms just as my truck pulled up, "Anyone transferrin' their stuff over better do it now" I said as I got the papers from the driver and handed them to Alice. "Nice and clean, Okay Ali?" I say, "Yeah, I suppose," she says signin' them all and handin' them back over with a sigh. "I hope you find what your lookin' for Alice, I can never repay you for showin' me this life, for that I will always be eternally grateful" I tell her honestly "But the rest of that shit not so fuckin' much" and she hugs me laughin' "You'll survive it Cowboy, you'll survive" she says cockin' her head as if she's seen somethin', but I don't ask. I don't want to know what's ahead of me for once. 

We hear Emmett tootin' the jeep's horn and I turn to see all three of them sittin' inside wavin' me over, "Come on slow poke! Texas is waiting "shouts Emmett from the driver's seat, I jump in beside him, "Alright, let's wind this up and move on out of here" I laugh, freely for the first time in ages, proppin' my guitar up against the jeep's door. I nod my farewell to Alice, Edward and Carlisle barely notice us leavin' as they're locked in a passionate embrace. 

I was really lookin' forward to whatever the future holds for the four of us now and I tell them so. "It's time for you to let your hair down and just be Esme," I tell her "You don't have to play the mother anymore, I'd be honoured and privileged to have you as a sister. What do you say?" She laughs and agrees that that would be a nice change for her.

"But one thing's for sure and certain, I'm damn glad I won't be around Edward and Carlisle, havin' to listen to and feel the emotions of them makin' up for the last ninety years! Now that is a goddamn scary thought. Maybe we'll get in touch in ten years or so and see if the house in Alaska is still standin'" I laugh as I say this and everybody else joins in.

The miles fly by as Emmett drives us to our new home and the tune I was creatin' earlier in the day once more floods my mind along with the sexy brown eyed girl I wish I'd gotten to know a bit better. After all, she alone was the catalyst for our new adventure, even though she will probably never know it.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to S. Meyer. Otherwise, the rest is my musings on an AU.


End file.
